mymichele's Diaryland Diary
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Look!
Come on, people. Isn't that just the cutest fucking puppy you've ever seen?
As you can tell from the last entry, I haven't had the greatest day. I wake up and read his web page, which hasn't been a good idea as of late, because he talks about her a lot. I'm so tired of thinking about that shit. So the fuck what if he liked some other chick? Who fucking cares anymore? If he dumped me, I'd be really depressed for like maybe 3 months, I'd be sad for a year, I'd think about him whenever any song that has been played at all for the last 4 years is on, and I'll get over it. I'll find love somewhere else, someone who actually loves me the way I want to be loved, someone who actually acknowledges me after four fucking years. Four fucking years, people, and he still reconstructs stories on his web site that I had a part in, yet does he mention me? No. No, he doesn't.
I hate talking about him like that because it sounds like he's a total asshole. He does things for me that no one has ever really cared to do. You know what? I'm not going to defend him. I'm just not. He doesn't deserve it tonight.
Thank you, everyone who signed my guestbook today. I appreciate your words of encouragement and such.
I'm done crying tonight.
I'm thinking of telling my pervert friend about this diary. I know she'll see what I've said about her, but I think that might be good. It might be nice to have at least one person I know reading it. But then that would shatter my anonomyity thing that I'm kinda digging. What do you guys suggest? Does that kind of stuff work out for you?
I haven't been with a female in almost 3 years. That, my friends, is way too long. Let me describe for you the females I have been with.
1. Perv girl - the first. I told her I had feelings for her the day before an Aerosmith concert (that doesn't have anything to do with it, but that's just how I remember it.) She didn't freak out. It took like almost 2 years but eventually she returned my affections. It turned into about a month of us doing stuff, mostly with her boyfriend, and then after I told her I was in love with her and all this shit, she basically said that she loved her boyfriend and was just kinda using me to see what it would be like to be with a chick.
George Carlin is on Conan tonight! OOooh Yeah!
2. Younger girl - she was my boyfriend's friend. God, how gorgoues was she? I was mesmerized in her presence. She was a few years younger than me, and I think that kinda affected the situation. I wanted her so bad. I got to kiss her and kinda feel her up, but that was about it.
3. Snake girl - I met her on IRC. I told her what I wanted, she came over, we engaged in some dirty activities, and she went on her way. I never talked to her again. It made me feel dirty, but I was curious, and she showed me what it was like. SHe had a tongue ring and a tattoo of a snake on her vagina. Ohkay then.
4. jewlrey girl - I met her through my ex boyfriend. She dated him before me. One night I was drunk and I professed my love to her. We only did stuff one night, and it was really nice, but it freaked her out. Most of the girls I've been with have been good friends who just aren't into the whole thing like I was. So usually I just get hurt.
5. Drunk girl - my boyfriend's best friend. We had an interesting three way when we were all drunk. It was only that one time.
One time, one time. I want lots of times without worrying about what the other person thinks. Oh well.
So I feel quite productive today. Being angry sure does help sometimes. I worked out like.. alot. I looked for a job, but didn't find one. I don't want a job, so I probably won't be able to get one. I ate Subway and that's all. I managed to stay away from the Mcdonalds. For the first time, really, I didn't feel like going to Jack in the Box or anything. I want to lose weight, damnit.
Here's the dog again:
I'll write another entry when I wake up tommorow, because I like writing. And by then, dumbass boyfriend would have read my email and would have replied and I'm sure I'll have something to say about that.
11:17 p.m. - 2001-07-16
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