mymichele's Diaryland Diary

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The one that got away and other cliches

Things that have happened in the past 24 hours:

1. Road trip to College Station/Bryan for high school football games at A&M.

2. Got a speeding ticket

3. Stayed in a motel right next to a jail.

4. Ex boyfriend called when I was with my current boyfriend in the car.

Let me tell you a little story, friends. Once upon a time, I was 16. I was in a junior high history class with one of the only boys that had long hair in my school. And, of course, I had a crush on said boy.

Let's call him Angel boy. Angel boy and I would play the "let's stare at each other during class all day but never speak" game for at least 4 months. He'd ask me how I was doing or whatever, but nothing more than that. Meanwhile, I was bugging my friends to death about how I wanted him. They didn't understand how I would get him if we never talked.

But I knew. Because the thing is, we had chemsitry. Even without talking, the stares we would give each other would say more than talking. He would sit behind me sometimes, and this sounds wierd but when I was 16 it was awesome, he would put his knee against my chair, so it would touch my butt. It was nice. It turned me on way too much.

Anyway, he dropped out of school. Yes, he dropped out of the 9th grade. He was poor and needed to work, so he dropped out and worked at McDonald's. I was sad about that, but I knew in my heart somewhere that I would see him again. I didn't know where or when, but I had a feeling we weren't finished with each other.

I saw him about a month after he dropped out, at the mall. It took all the courage I've ever had, but I sat down and talked to him. It changed my life.

Angel boy came into my life at a time I really needed someone to tell me I was attractive. I had felt ugly all my life, and he told me differently. We didn't do a lot of sexual things, because I think he sensed I wasn't ready. Imagine that, a 17 year old with morals. I was ready to give him anything he wanted, but he never asked for much.

We only went out for a few months, but they were good months. Angel boy is different. He always has been. We have something I've never had with anyone else, a chemistry, something I won't be able to replace. He comes and goes in my life, but I think about him every single day. We once worked together, at a movie theater we used to go to the first time we were together, and I wanted him so bad. I knew he wanted me, but as the assistant manager, it wasn't to be. He started going out with some blond chick a few days after we went to see George of the Jungle together and held hands. It broke my heart.

So, he called me last night. It was a shock, to say the least. It was 9:30 at night, I was in the car with my boyfriend in College Station, and here's Angel boy. My boyfriend said, "So how does it feel to be bootie called by an ex boyfriend?"

I know he wasn't doing that. Because Angel boy has a knack for coming into my life only when I need him the most. And I knew he was calling me so I could have something to look forward to. So I could understand that even when things change, he'd always remember me, and that his feelings towards me are the same they've always been.

I know if I call him tonight, he'll want to see me. I get a little crazy around him, to say the least. I want to do all kinds of things to him, with him, but unfortenetly, I love my boyfriend, so I can't do that without a certain guilty conscience.

I want to call him soon, tonight, but I don't. Because he makes me do funny things. But he also makes me smile, and believe in myself, so it's either call him or spend another night watching TV and playing scrabble.

Thank you for listening.

And I got a speeding ticket. That wasn't good.

I'm going to go think about calling him for a few hours, then I might actually do it.

My stomach hurts.

6:24 p.m. - 2001-07-21

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