mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Come to Mama! Well, my friends, I have discovered Diaryland chat. It makes me all happy inside, because it makes me think of my Matchmaker.com days, when I met like 80 people that I chatted with. Thay may be pathetic, but it makes me happy. I feel like I am wanted, and being wanted is always a good thing. Come there and talk to me, it'll make your day! Join burplovin, the diaryring that gives and gives. And sign my guestbook, for crying out loud! For a week there, nobody was reading my diary. But now you guys are again, and for that, I thank you. Psycho Boy is on ICQ tonight, for the first time in 4 or 5 months. I wonder how long it'll take for him to message me. Or if he'll message me at all. I'm feeling paticulary snotty towards him tonight since I've been reading my old diary from when we were together. For your edification, at the bottom of this entry I will include another page of my 17 year old ramblings. I don't know if anyone cares about them, but it's entertaining to me. Sign my guestbook! I did absolutly nothing worth anything today, except work out, which I do every day. I went to the temp place and they said I had to be in an office job for at least a year before I can get a job with them doing data entry, but I could do some light industrial jobs instead if I wanted to! Thanks, I'll do that. I didn't even call Angel boy, like I told myself I would if he didn't call by today. I will tommorow, I swear! I am listening to a live Guns N Roses CD, and Axl said, "Come on, you know what I like!" Oh yeah baby, I know what you like, come to mama. Here is an entry from February 12, 1997, for your enjoyment. ________________________________________________ Okay, it's time we had a serious chat. Me and Psycho Boy are in a serious situation, and I don't know if I can take much more of this. I know I should not have had sex with him, because this is making it harder for me to break up with him. I think I'm going to have to. He is controlling my life. He doesn't ever want me to talk to Best Friend or see Best Friend or do anything with anybody but him. He can't change. He's tried, and he can't. So maybe we have to break up. This is driving me crazy. I've tried to break up with him, but it never works. I can't. I need him. Maybe not more than he needs me, but plenty. Today, best friend came over to give me ice cream. I wasn't talking to Psycho Boy at the time because he had to some work on his house. So she came over and stuff, and he called and got mad because she was there, and hung up on me. When Best Friend left, I called him and he was still mad. He hung up on me again, yelling at me. I paged him 4 times with the "I love you" code (Okay, maybe to make him feel bad) and he hasn't called me back. God, what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and let him do this to me? Let him control my life and make me abandon my friends? If I talk to Best Friend, Psycho boy gets mad. If I talk to Psycho boy, Best Friend gets mad. I can't ever please anyone. My life is just really suckworthy right now. I don't know how to handle this. I need some way to escape.. I don't know.. damnit, why can't Psycho boy understand? Why can't Best Friend understand? Why do I have to depend on Psycho boy for my life? Why am I holding on to Psycho Boy? Because I love the bastard. _____________________________________________ Ahhh, the joys of adolescent love. He hasn't yet messaged me. I guess that means I don't have to have some banal conversation with him, exchanging pleasantries that I don't mean. Come talk to me in chat. And sign my guestbook so I can have self esteem. 12:20 a.m. - 2001-07-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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