mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do they allow such bitter people to graduate? I have news for you people. MOVING SUCKS. Seriously. Why do you think I lived in my dorm for 2 1/2 years? Because I didn't want the hassle of having to move. Moving is like.. the least fun activity ever. But at least I am officially out of my dorm. I now officially have nowhere to live. Fun, huh! It is fun. This whole "no job, no place to live, no boyfriend, no school, no real future" thing kinda has some appeal. I can seriously go anywhere I want. I can do anything I want. I'm not tied down to anything (except to money, but my dad is going to help me out for a few months while I get my shit together)and that excites me. Should that excite me? Because it excites me. I have no school anymore! Wow. Anyway. ***** I am starting to harbor some serious anger towards BB. As I told the lovely Sara (who, by the way, sent me a card in the actual mail! How cool is that? Rawk.), he could have had the decency to answer my email yesterday. I just simply said "I am now forever finished with school.." or something like that. He could have at least given me a congratulations or some shit. This is just making me so sad/angry these days. He's leaving for Vegas on the 28th and time is running out for us to get together one last time, but he really seems to not give one shit about that. Last night I was so depressed.. I was in Dallas at Borders and I was looking all foxy. If he would have called me, I would have been over there so fast the police wouldn't even be able to chase me. I know it's pathetic, but that's where I am right now. I'm seriously pissed at him, but if he wanted to see me, I'd be there in 1 second. I'm obviously starting to think there's another girl in the picture, and I'm trying to embrace that thought so when it actually does happen, I'll be prepared for it. But the thought is so horrible.. and I just try not to think about it. I'm defnitiely not in that stage yet where exes are all like "I just want him to be happy!" I don't want him to be happy. I want him to be miserable. I want to go to Austin, place myself in the real world for a while and then come back and show him that I am capable of having my shit together. But that's not the point. I'm, as usual, missing the point. He still contends that this whole thing was never about me, it's about him getting his shit together. I didn't mean to go off on a rant there, but it's seriously bothering me. It's simply amazing to me how fast guys recover from dumping their life support system after 5 years. Whatever, right? Whatever. ***** In other news, I'm graduating today. Can I get a what-what? My dad and my step-dad are going to be meeting for the first time today. That should be excitement for the whole family. ***** Speaking of my step-dad, I'm getting plain tired of walking in on my parents and their respective partners when/after they have been uhhh.. consummating their love for each other. I would link the entry that talks about the first time, but I can't find it. So there. But anyway.. the first time was when I came to the BL's and she and my dad were having hardcore hanky panky even though my dad called me 5 minutes before that and told me to come over. Hellooo! Stop having sex then, damnit. And then last night I come to my mom's house and I guess I should have called first, because it took them 5 minutes to answer the door and then my step-dad answered with his robe on. My mom confirmed it by later saying, "Oh, we were done already." Oh dear god. ***** So a show on Animal Planet made me cry last night. And now I have a new hero. This woman on the show would go patrolling the streets of New Jersey to find stray dogs, and when she found them, she'd take them to a no-kill shelter. I just thought she was awesome. I wanna be like her. Yay. ***** I'm gonna go to Austin on Monday to check out my living situation and perhaps my job situation. That should be fun. I'm gonna do my Christmas shopping there. With all the chaos surrounding school and breakups and shiznit, I haven't even thought about christmas shopping yet. I'm excited though. Aren't you? Woohoo. ***** If BB and I were still together, we'd probably be going to Austin next week anyway. A mini-roadtrip. He's such an asshole. I think I hate him. I think I will harbor horrible resentment towards him forever. I mean, really, what an asshole. I'll shut up now. ***** What was MyMichele doing a year ago? "So, the point is, I don't care that we don't have a place to stay. I don't care that I'm $435 in debt. I don't care that I have drive a 2500 miles round trip. Because it's important to me! It's motherfuckin Axl Rose! Good god! Anyway.. no more school until January 7th, when I have to go for a week of training for my NEW JOB. Wow.. I seem to have a lot of good things going on for me right now." Bitch. It's amazing how much things change after a year. I'm not bitter or anything. "I realize how totally dorky that sounds, but we all have something in our lives that we have to do or else we won't feel whole. For me, it's fulfilling the promise I made to myself when I was 12 years old to see Axl Rose live and in person. My dad tells me, "Wait until they come to Dallas, I'll buy you tickets then." That's what he said when I was 12 and actually had tickets. "You're too young. Wait until next time." Well, it's next time. It's 10 years later, they still haven't been back, the tour I missed was the last tour they had, and I'm not going to take that chance again. I am going to drive 2500 miles to see my rock and roll hero, god damnit!" "We also went to the mall by his house. Which is always a spot that has fond memories. And when I say "fond memories" I mean "memories of when me and Psycho Boy used to go to that mall and have sex in the movie theater" memories. Yep. Not good times." 8:31 a.m. - Saturday, Dec. 14, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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