mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Farewell, MyMichele! This will be the last entry I write (well, the last official entry anyway) in this here journal. Move with me over here! It'll be fun, I swear. I just think it's time for a new, fresh journal. I won't be whoring this one out like I did mymichele. I might join some rings, but I'm not going to get it reviewed and all that other stuff that calls unneeded attention onto myself. I'm not going to feel like I have to update only once a day, and I'm not going to feel like I have to be anonymous. I'm going to call people by their REAL names because I'm tired of saying "Crazy Friend" and "The BL" and shit like that. Crazy Friend? Her name is Natalie. BB? First of all, those intials stood for Boyfriend Boy, which he is not anymore. And his name is Matt. I know, entirely too fascinating. This new journal will be there to chronicle my new journey in life. I am moving to Austin for many reasons. Yes, one of them is to escape the many memories I have of me and BB. But the biggest reason is just because I can. Nothing is tieing me down here in Dallas, and I don't have to stay. I will probably miss my family and eventually move back to Dallas, but I don't have to until I want to. I know that pretty soon in my life I won't have these choices anymore, I will have a family and a home and kids and I won't be able to have such a free and independent life, coming and going as I please. So I am going to make the most out of this opportunity. When I started this journal a year and a half ago, I was 21 years old. My boyfriend and I were overcoming an episode where he was about to dump me for someone else, someone perfect, someone who embodies a lot of the things he's looking for in a girl. Ironically, this is the same girl that he is now currently dating. Good for him, indeed. But we had been together for 3 1/2 years, and I loved him. When I started this journal, I was in summer school and I had a huge crush on someone we all know and love, Math Boy. I lived in a dorm by myself. I had a few friends, and I lived on bagel sandwiches from McDonalds. Now I am 23. I still have a few friends. I no longer live in a dorm. Tomorrow, I will be living in an apartment in Austin. I will have my own sofa, coffee table, bed, DVD player, TV, VCR, etc. My boyfriend has now moved on, but he has not put me out of his heart. In fact, he emailed me at 6 in the morning to tell me he had won $200 in Shreveport, where he spent New Years Eve. My New Years Eve was spent with friends, playing Monopoly and watching Serendipity. I did not cry. I almost lost it when we turned on the TV and watched the festivities in Las Vegas, where I would have been this year if not for aforementioned break up. I almost lost it again when everyone on stage started singing "Drift Away," a song that I made a bet with BB that Bob Seger sang, which he did not. But I kept my composure and I ate peanut butter M&Ms instead. When I started this diary, I wanted to become popular in the Diaryland community, and I think I accomplished that in my own way. I signed tons of guestbooks, joined a million rings, spent hours in chat, doing everything I could to draw attention to myself. I made many friends that way, but I think now that I have my new start, I'm not going to do that. People know me, they know where I'm going, and they can come if they want to. It's all good. But expect me to be contemplative over there. Expect me to have my bad days where all I can think about is BB and his new girlfriend and how he hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks and how I can't find a job and how my brother is being a total asshole and how I'm really craving a breakfast bagel. It's not going to be so much fun as this one was, but that's just what I need right now. I need to be introspective. I need to figure out how to be humbled. And I am humbled. I used to think I was better than everyone else because I had this great boyfriend and I didn't need anything or anybody. Now I'm just like everyone else, struggling for the same things. I'm going to have to go out in the dating world again. I'm going to have to find a job. It's going to be scary. So anyway. Join me on my new journey if you wish, and I will welcome you there. I will be excited that you chose to join me in my new adventures, adventures that will last me a lifetime. I'm moving tomorrow, and when I do, I'll be leaving behind my old self. Someone who wasn't strong enough to admit that she was a lazy, selfish, manipulative person who wasn't willing to work hard enough to change herself. By moving to Austin, I am admitting to myself and everyone else that my old life was nothing to write home about. But I am going to change that. I have this opportunity in front of me and I'm going to take it by the balls. Me and BB are okay. We're going to be okay. We both realize that even though we miss each other, there's so much more out there for us right now. And once we get done figuring it out, we might come back together. On a superficial level, I know his girlfriend doesn't take care of him like I did. She doesn't buy him Pepsi One or give him multiple orgasms or stuff like that. And I know that once I improve myself, I might embody all the things he finds in her that he didn't find in me, and the things that she doesn't have I will still have, and you know.. that'll make me irresistable and stuff. But I'm not counting on that. I'm doing this for myself, to make myself into the person I've always wanted to be. So, come with me. I hope to share my new life with all of you that have meant so much to me over the past year and a half. New things are gonna happen, and it's gonna be good times. MyMichele represented something. It represented a Guns N Roses song, first of all. It represented a girl in college that wasn't willing to try her hardest. My new place is about change, constant change. And that is why I'm moving. Because this place is full of old memories, of me and BB having lazy Saturdays together, avoiding the world. Of me sitting in my underwear and eating chocolate chip cookie dough on a hot day. Of me musing on Axl Rose and Eminem and roommates and grades and teachers and all that other crap. It's over. And now it's time for something new. 1:11 p.m. - Wednesday, Jan. 01, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||