mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- picking my nose and scratching my ass. I know I just did an entry like a few hours ago and such, but I just made a change here that I just really think is fantabulous. Check out Axl. Isn't he cute? He's there for good, until I get the new background up and rolling one of these days. Ahh, the joys of Axl. I've been having digestive problems today. And also, I downloaded Morpheus but I can't seem to get it to work. Can someone tell me what I need to do make my files show up? I downloaded it mostly because I wanted another Napster-like MP3 player type of thing. You know, like it plays random songs off your list and such. Where can I find such a thing? The newest version of Napster that I downloaded like an idiot a few months ago does wierd things when I go from one window to another. It's annoying. I watched Hannibal and I was reminded of how dissapointing the end is. I want to get the DVD just to see the alternate ending. I love DVD's, they're so much fun! I always go straight to the "additional features" when I get one. I don't have a DVD player so that makes it a little difficult. But that's what boyfriend's roommates are for. So I worked on a big chunk of my story tonight. I guess I'm going to have to write the rest tommorow. I haven't ever really written a whole story that wasn't porn, didn't talk about being in a band (I went through a rash of "I'm cool cuz I'm in a band" stories in 6th grade, even though I wasn't in band), or wasn't about being trapped in an elevator with Christian Slater (I had an active mind when I was 11, what can I say?), so this is kind of a new experience for me. Anyway, here's what I have so far. PLEASE give me an honest reaction. If it sucks, please tell me it sucks. That is what guestbooks are for! ______________________________ They danced cheek-to-cheek, and clung to each other with a ferocious passion that they knew they both would miss more than anything. �When the song is over, we must say goodbye,� she whispered in his ear. He gripped her harder, until she realized she couldn�t figure out where she ended and he began. She could hear the music clearly, but as the song came closer to the end, she tried as hard as she could to tune it out. All she could see was his face, his thoughts, his breath. She was so close to him she could hear his heart beat. This was the only music she could hear, and she memorized the beat, held it close to her, and saved it. It would be the last time she would hear it.
***************** She went over to look at the pay phones, contemplating calling him. She took a closer look, and smiled. She saw the message she wrote to him in permanent marker all those years ago imprinted forever on that stupid payphone: "I love JB forever." She checked her watch again, but with a smile. It was so like him to be late, and this only added to his charm, at least in this incarnation of their friendship. She hadn't seen him in over 2 years, and as he said on the message on her machine, that was way too long. She made a sideways glance at the theater. She had been coming to this theater ever since she was a teenager, a teenager in love with James Bailey. She replayed the message in her head again, for the millionth time since she got it 12 hours earlier. "Hey Michelle, this is James. It's been a while, I know. I just want you to know that I've been thinking about you lately. Anyway, I'm going to be at the Evergreen tonight at 8, and I was hoping you'd meet me there. If not, I guess I'll see you later." She could hardly keep herself from squealing with delight when she heard James� message. There was never a day that went by that she didn't think about him. She knew there wasn't a chance in hell that she'd miss this opportunity to see him. Oh, she thought about not going. She thought she would close that chapter in her life. After all, she did love Gabriel, her boyfriend of almost 3 years, but this was James. James, who was the first guy to ever bring her roses. James, who made her feel like she was the only girl in the world that would ever really matter to him. James, who she knew she'd never forget. It was James. And she knew she wouldn't be able to resist seeing him again. She could still imagine seeing him for the first time, when he was the new guy in her English class in 9th grade. They stared at each other for a full minute before he sat down in the chair in front of her. She took in his long, dark hair, his sparkling green eyes, and the rebellious smile on his face. She knew she had to have him. And she did. The lines that had formed for the 8:00 movie were slowly thinning, and she began to wonder if he was ever going to get there. Just as she was about to check her watch again, she felt his hand on her shoulder. She turned around and smiled. "James." They embraced, and she felt it again. She felt the stir of hope, the pangs of regret, and the deep lust that she had always felt. She didn�t quite know what she regretted, but she knew it had something to do with never finishing what they started. He looked as good, probably even better, than he did the last time she saw him. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he took her hand. �Well, I guess I got here too late to see the movie, huh?� She nodded, smiling. It was a joke between him. He was never on time to see the damn movie. They walked across the street to the coffee shop, and picked up where they left off. They had barely spoken in the two years they hadn�t seen each other, but it was like no time had passed. They laughed at each other�s corny jokes, fed each other the expensive biscotti she bought with her coffee, and occasionally caught each other staring at the other, with adoration in their eyes. When James had finished his coffee and Michelle had drunk what seemed like her tenth bottle of water, she finally asked. �What have you been thinking about me, James?� She said, running her finger up and down the bottle of water, feeling the cold sweat that had formed on it. �I�ve been thinking about how it�s been way too long since I last saw you, Michelle. And, well, I�ve been thinking other things.� She knew about �other things.� She had been thinking about them too. It was funny. No matter how much time had gone by, and how many other emotions she had, she knew she�d never forget James, and the feeling he gave her. She nodded, but didn�t say anything. She wasn�t ready for this conversation. Not yet. �I told Gabriel I was coming to meet you tonight. He looked a little worried.� James looked in her eyes and grabbed her hand. She physically shivered from the force that went through her body when she felt his touch. �Well, he should. He�s going to have some competition.� She felt her heart and mind go numb. She wanted James more than anything, and she thought about what she had to give up. She didn�t have to think hard. This was a battle she had fought with herself almost everyday, and she was getting tired of it. When was it okay to stop thinking about the future to wonder about the past? When was it okay to stop regretting all the choices she had made, and all the forks in the road that she had passed? It suddenly became clear to her, and she looked up and smiled at James. �Take me home.� She said. He got up and took her in his arms. She was home.
********************** She read his story, and when she was finished, she stared at him in disbelief. He had written about the Guns N Roses concert he had once attended. She was obsessed with Guns N Roses, and had always wanted to see them, but never got the chance. Her first words to him were, �Oh my god, you got to see Guns N Roses?� This one sentence changed both of their lives forever. They started dating a few months later, and they both noticed the way the air changed around them when they were together. It was a little hotter, a little lighter. They never communicated this to each other, but it was hard not to notice. They were both high school sophomores, and Michelle knew just as well as anyone that their relationship would be short lived. James had a wandering eye, and Michelle knew it wouldn�t be long until she heard it through the grapevine that he was cheating on her. Fate was cruel this way, it giveth but it taketh away sooner or later. So one day, they broke up, and left 9th grade behind. They went to different high schools, and time was lost. But they never forgot.
******************** She heard her cell phone ring in her purse. She knew it was Gabriel, and she knew she�d have to tell him the truth. �Hello?� She said, awkwardly. �Michelle. I�ve been thinking about it. I love you, I want to marry you someday, I want to have children with you, and I want to grow old with you. If you go off with James, this can�t happen. Don�t do it. Please, I�m begging you, don�t throw this away.� He pleaded. She looked up at James, who was looking at her. She quickly looked away. She didn�t want him to see her tears. He understood what she was doing, so he got in his car and gave her privacy. �Gabriel. Don�t make this harder than it already is. I love you, and I always will, you know that. But I need this. I need to know what I missed with James. If I don�t, I�ll always regret it. I�m sorry. There was silence on the other end of the line. She thought he had hung up until he said, �you�re going to regret this, Michelle. I won�t wait around for you forever. Someday you�re going to realize that he was just a childish crush that you took advantage of, and then you�re going to realize I�m the real thing. That I would never leave you. And I�m not going to be there.� She heard a click, and then the dial tone. And it was over. 1:02 a.m. - September 03, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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