mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The joys of online defensive driving, defensive relationships, and defensive children My day has consisted of 3 things: 1. Cooking, chopping, the usual. 2. Completing an online defensive driving course. 3. Watching the WWE PPV. (Yes, that's supposed to be WWE. The WWF lost a lawsuit to the World Wildlife Foundation, so they had to change their name. Good times, huh? I seem to chop a lot of things in this relationship. BB sure does like his tomatoes and onions, and I spend a lot of time in life with these two vegatables. I had this whole list of highlights from the defensive driving class I took, but yeah. I accidently ripped the cord out of the laptop and thus ended that. So, here are two highlights: A horn honk will only get you a dirty look or possibly a one-fingered peace sign. Both can escalate into a more serious conflict. Keep in mind, it is illegal to drive at night using parking lights only. Parking lights are for parking. Duh! Fascinating, eh? I just took that final exam, and booya! I got a 91 on it. So I have now completed my defensive driving class. That's good times, right there. And the PPV was.. boring. Except for the very brief appearance of Shawn Micheals. Oh, how I love me some Shawn Micheals. The headliner was the match between the Undertaker and Hulk Hogan. I don't know about you, but watching two aging wrestlers almost have a heart attack while throwing their geriatric bodies all over the ring doesn't do much for me. I always enjoy seeing how much Hulk Hogan looks like a nice brown leather coat. Anyway.. I misrepresented something earlier today. I shouldn't have talked about it in the first place, because I've learned early on that I can never talk about this relationship without looking like a dumbass. But, let me try to explain something here. He doesn't really want me to change. He wants me to be what he has seen I can be. And I know what he means, because I'm kind of in a state of rest at the moment. When he first met me, even though I was coming out of an abusive relationship, I had this spark. A spark that came out of being active and semi-popular in high school, believing in myself because I had just gotten into what seemed like a kick ass college, and just really no worries. I didn't have a job, didn't have any credit card bills, my grades sucked but I didn't care, and I was kinda hot. I believed in myself. I don't so much anymore. I've lost my spark. What he and I both want is for me to regain that spark, plus the life experience and skills that I've gained throughout the 4 years since high school. Not to change, but to grow. I know it's easy for all of us to say, "Don't change for him! If he doesn't like you the way you are, screw him!" Well, sure. But I don't even like the way I am right now. He wants what I want, which is to have a better, more positive image of myself so I can achieve all that I have in mind for my life. Does that make sense? Well, if it doesn't, that's fine. It makes sense to me, and that's really all it should make sense to. I mean, think about it. If I asked all of you to justify all the decisions and morals and ideals in your life, it might not make sense to other people, ya know? That sounded a bit defensive. Sorry about that. Something else was going on during the PPV. BB's roommate has a 6-year-old daughter. I've known her since.. I guess, since she was like a year old, since she just turned 6 last week. Anyway, like other little kids I've encountered recently, she really seems to like me. When BB and I came home yesterday, she came running up to me to give me a hug before she even acknowledged BB, which was weird cuz she loves BB too. Anyway, during the PPV she was sitting on the sofa with us and just generally doing everything I did, down to eating the same way, drinking when I drank, even down to the way I was sitting. That was a little unnerving. I mean, I fully intend to have children in the next 5 years, so I don't dislike them or anything. I just don't know how to act around them and it makes me a little uncomfortable when they like me so much. I mean.. why do they like me, damnit! It's a mystery. Dogs and children. And some cats, when they know I'm allergic to them. Tomorrow we're going to Shreveport. I am excited about this. And it has now been BB's birthday for 30 minutes. I got to be the first one to tell him happy birthday and I gave him a big birthday kiss. Giggle! 12:16 a.m. - May 20, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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