mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Proof that I am one bitter and angry 23 year old. *blows nose* *scratches ears* *sighs* Hello. Happy Halloween and crappola. I am now counting the days until I get the hell out of this place. This place being school and Denton and Dallas and under my parents' grasp and all that kind of thing. I'm going to Austin. I'm not going to have to call my mom everytime I take a dump. I'm not going to have to come to every little dinner party my dad has. I'm not going to have to pack a bag on Friday, go to my comfortable abyss of BB's house, and then come back on Sunday to re-enter the world again. I'm going to be on my own (semi anyway, my brother will be there too but he wants me to go crazy, he's in full support of this.) and it's going to be some good times. I mean, seriously.. I reread some of this diary last night and all the questions I ask myself, and everything I have pondered, and all my worries that I've had about graduating.. they've all led up to going to Austin. Going to Austin might not be a miracle cure, but it's something different. And good god almighty, do I need something different to lift me from my meager and mediocre existence. Just to prove how pathetic I am, a few minutes ago after coming back from McDonalds for the infamous bagel sandwich (I felt like since I was sick, I deserved one. Uh huh.) I tried to paralell park, which I'm usually really good at, and I smashed into this little red Volxwagon thingie. I didn't see much damage.. like the paint came off a little, I think.. so I could have just driven away and been a bad girl. But I left a note. So lets hope Karma is nice to me today. I was thinking last night.. I'm so lost right now. I have no clue as to what the hell is going on around me. This was confirmed when I called my dad last night and he was having Halloween fun with the BL's son. This isn't supposed to be happening, people! He already has kids, and now he's recreating fatherhood with a 3 year old little boy? Why couldn't he have gotten it right the first fucking time? He's 58, the BL is 34, her son is 3. By the time he goes to college, my dad will be almost fuckin 80 years old. This is just not right, and while it's obvious the BL is looking for a father figure, maybe my dad is looking for a grandson, or maybe he's looking to raise a kid that won't turn out gay, like my brother. Whatever. It just isn't right, not to me. Halloween used to be our special holiday. He'd take me trick or treating every year, he'd wear this silly wig, he loves Halloween and now he's doing it with some other family. I know it's petty of me to be jealous or what not, but that's just not cool. And I did see BB last night, but it was hardly anything to write home about. We went to his old people's house and we watched Dawson's Creek, a few minutes of basketball, and then I left. He didn't hug me or touch me or even really talk to me. Where is this relationship going? Is it going to self-destruct or what? I'm so fucking lost and I have to get out of here soon. 2 more months.. guhhh. And then I was thinking about the prospect of dating in Austin. Whoever gets me first is going to love all the baggage I bring along. "Oh yeah, I've just been in a 5 year relationship where from day 1, he said he wasn't going to committ, but I stayed anyway. Also, he was a virgin, and I haven't had sex in 5 years. HEHEHE!" Yeah, that's going to go over really well. I mean, he hasn't even broken up with me officially. If he would just say something like, "I want to see other people, I want to break up, I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, I don't love you anymore..." soemthing like that, then at least I can be allowed to mourn the damn thing. But instead he's just keeping me at arm's length, and that's just really annoying. I'm sorry. I know I'm just one bitter 23 year old, but this is what it's come to. This is what all the events in my life have led to, and here I am, and I could either wallow in it and cry everyday and be depressed, or I could do my best to kick my own ass and get the hell out of this empty depression that isn't doing anyone any good. Okay then. This aint no movie, this aint Mekhii Phieffer. Now, here's the Dawson's Creek wrapup! I know you're excited. The show begins with Dawson and the British Director guy filming a scene of the movie. The chick, who's really hot, comes up to Dawson and the director after they're finished filming and she starts giving the director a back rub. This is the girlfriend that Dawson had when he slept with Joey, and now he realized he still has feelings for her. And I mean.. she's hot, so I don't blame him. The director tells him about the ghost of a dead movie star that was strangled by her co-star on the set, and that it's haunted. When they look at the dailies for the movie they're filimg, an extra shot of something goes by. Turns out, it's a frame of the woman who was murdered. It scared the fuck out of me, but I was probably the only one. I get scared easily, you see. So Dawson is all scared and shiznit, and while he's at the Halloween party on the set, he sees the ghost. He keeps following the ghost around to see who it is and why she keeps haunting him. Meanwhile, he sees the Hot Chick making out with the Director, and this drives him crazy and he unceremoniusly quits. Later, he chases the ghost some more and then, after a suitable amount of mind-fuckage, the ghost reveals herself - it's the Hot Chick. She was just trying to fuck with Dawson's mind. They end up getting it on at the end. Lovely, eh? Meanwhile, Joey has to babysit her mean teacher's daughter. The daughter is upset that her dad didn't follow Halloween tradition and take her to the movies, which apparently they always did. So she insults Joey and runs away and all this fun stuff. At the end they bond because they both have crappy dad issues. She also ends up making out with the Hot Guy in her class, because he said that she got under his skin and he wanted to get to know her. Meanwhile, Pacey and Audrey are having some issues. They just don't seem to be getting along very well anymore. This is helped when Audrey hides in a coffin while Pacey tells the british chick that's his new roomate that he didn't know if he ever loved Audrey. She hears this, of course, and then breaks up with him at the end of the show. He's all like, "You don't deserve this, I'm sorry," and she's all like "Don't give me that noble crap, Pacey, just so you can feel better about yourself." It was a pretty awesome break up scene. She also slaps him. And Jen's hot guy doesn't like her, nor is he gay. Just so we have that cleared up. Woooo. ***** What was MyMichele doing a year ago? "As my Korean roommate so eloquently put it, "Isn't Elton John gay?" Apparently there's not a whole lot of gay people in Korea. Speaking of gay, my brother is coming in this weekend. It should be good times. I hope he brings his puppy dog, cuz his puppy dog is a good little golden retriever boy. Awww! Puppies! I got made fun of tonight in my Creative Writing class. Well, I always do. Every class, it's "Well, Liz likes Dawson's Creek, blah blah blah" and I get picked on! Just because I am a fan of pop culture! Can you imagine? Geez louise. I also volunteered to have a story ready by next week. Oooh, that's smart, have a story that I haven't even started yet written by next week." 10:19 a.m. - October 31, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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