mymichele's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bitter? Not me! And other adventures
Grar.
Yesterday was a mixture of happy and sad. I seem to have a lot of those days lately.
First of all, it rained and that made me happy. I am a fan of the rain, as we all know.
Then. THEN! My mom made me my all time favorite dinner as a little bit of a graduation present. Cream chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, garlic spinach.. it just doesn't get any better than that, people. I ate every single bite. I would have licked the plate if I could. Yummy yummy yummy in my tummy.
Also, I got to watch the last couple minutes of Pump up the Volume. Man, how much does that movie rock? When I look back on my Christian Slater obsession, I don't really understand it. He was cute, I guess, but ehhhh.. I don't see what I saw in him anymore. I mean it was like.. 10 years ago, so I guess that's okay. And such.
But yesterday sucked for one reason - I missed the living crap out of BB. My big thing right now.. I'm usually okay. My mom, Crazy Friend and Diet Friend have all complimented me on how I'm handling things. But I don't feel so good about it.
I'm okay, but then I start dwelling on the fact that he promised he'd see me one time before I went to Austin. There's only a couple of weeks left before that time, and he's spending part of it in Vegas. So when is it going to happen?
Everyday I plan it in my head. "If he asks me today, I can go around 4:00, but I'd have to be back by 8:00." Shit like that. Everyday I get in the car and wonder if he's going to call me and ask me to come over. This just isn't healthy, and it's driving me crazy. It makes me feel like he's depriving me of closure. I can't move on until I go to his house again. Like I said before, the last time I went to his house I actually left stuff there because I was thinking to myself, "This can't be the last time I'm here!" It was. And that's hard for me to deal with.
So I messaged him last night. I couldn't help it. This is how the conversation went:
Me: I really miss you tonight. I just thought you should know.
Him: Awww. Is it the rain?
Me: It's the rain, and the fact I haven't seen you in forever, and other assorted things.
Him: True, true.
And THAT WAS IT. He didn't even fucking say that he missed me too. That really made me angry more than anything. He really has given up on this relationship. He's all set to go conquer the world and Las Vegas and he's going to leave me behind. When I first met him, he lived in a trailer. He drove a 10 year old car. He was fucking damn near 500 fucking pounds. And now that he has a nice house, a nice truck, and he's lost 200 pounds, he's gonna go get him something better. Someone who hasn't stood by him through every one of his moves in the past 5 years. Suddenly, he's too good for me. Not that I'm bitter.
It's just not right.
If he would ask me to come over like, right now.. I would defy every possible law to get there. Even though I really should stay here and get some stuff done before I do that, I wouldn't put it past me to just hurdle myself down the stairs into my car. Sad. And shitty.
It's not fair. He fucking said, "True, true" to me telling him I missed him. Someday he's going to regret that, damnit.
Anyway. I didn't mean to go on a rant there. But I did! Muahahaha.
In other news, I'm working on a soundtrack of my life. It's really long, and I look at other people's soundtracks and their's isn't as long as mine. I think I am destined to be a freak of nature for the rest of my natural life. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?
*****
What was MyMichele doing a year ago?
Here's the whole thing because I just think it's cute. Mmmkay?
"Anyway, here's a survey that I think I stole from somebody, but I'm not sure who. I did this in some capacity a few months ago, but um yeah, this is different.
It's "The Alphabet of Me!" But instead of Me, it'll be about boys! Cuz I seem to be a little bit focused on boys lately. Maybe because my boyfriend is being such a bunghole, but that's okay.
A is for Axl! If you can believe it, I actually put someone else for A! And then I was like.. Axl! Duh! I made a promise to myself when I was 12 years old that I would see him in person someday. That was probably a lame promise.
B is for Brad Pitt! But only in Legends of the Fall and Ocean's Eleven. He looks good in other assorted movies, but mostly in those two. Especially in Legends of the Fall, because he has long hair. *Drool!*
C is for Charlie! He's my puppy dog, and is the best looking one of all these boys. Except maybe Axl. 
D is for Denis Leary Mostly because I couldn't think of anyone else for D!
E is for Eddie! My first boyfriend. I was 13. He had a mullet.
F is for Edward Furlong! I lurrved him in Terminator 2. And there was a guy in my history class in 6th grade that looked exactly like him, and I wanted him bad.
G is for Gordo! He's a guy on the radio station I listen to. He's hilarious, and I want to have his babies. We went to the same high school! Wow.
H is for Holden! Which was the name of Ben Affleck's character in Chasing Amy. I want Ben Affleck. I not only think he's a fantabulous actor, but he's also quite attractive.
I is for INXS! I loved me some INXS when I was 14. I went to the concert just so I could stare at Michael Hutchence. Then he died 4 years later and I was sad.
J is for Joseph, James, and Josh! Past boyfriends. James and Josh had exactly the same intials, and they are also the only guys I've had sex with. TMI, I know, but it's just wierd. Girls, stay away from the JW's, they are trouble. Joseph was a JW too. Very strange.
K is for ? - I just don't even know.
L is for Luke Perry! He was my favorite on 90210! And I lurrved him in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The movie. Not the TV show. Uh huh.
M is for Bette Midler! I dunno if I had a crush on her, per say, but I sure did like her alot. I had memorized Beaches by the time I was 10 years old. I can still say the lines word for word, which doesn't make me popular among the people I'm watching it with.
I can't forget to mention M is for Matt, my non-functioning hibernating boyfriend. *gasp* you know his name now! I know, it's a shock, try to control yourself.
N is for Nic Stahl! He was this guy who went to my elementary school. Everyone was in love with him because he was an actor. He was in "The Man Without a Face" with Mel Gibson at the time, and we were all like oooh.. a celebrity. He's been in a few movies since then, like The Thin Red Line and Disturbing Behavior or some such. There was an embarrasing incident that happened with me saying something embarrasing about him that ended up in our yearbook. Something about an elf. Not my most shining moment ever.
O is for Ocean's Eleven! Just because I'm obsessed with the movie and most of those guys are hotties. Well, some of them are. Scott Caan, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andy Garcia. Yum.
P is for Dave Pirner! Oh yes. Winona's boy, singer from Soul Asylum, Dave Pirner. He was cute! I loved "Runaway Train, never going back, wrong way on a one way track, seems like I should be getting somewhere, somehow I'm neither here nor there!"
Q is for Quinnwho is not a boy, but I can't think of anybody else for Q and she deserves a shout out because she's just that cool.
R is for River Phoenix! How I loved me some River. Stand By Me. My Own Private Idaho. Sneakers. And most of all, The Thing Called Love. His death was probably the biggest celebrity death to affect me the most, even with Kurt Cobain and the rest of them. Ahh, poor River!
R also stands for Ryan, AKA Angel Boy. Who I could have called this weekend and hung out with, but I did not.
S is for Slash, Christian Slater, and Sebastian Bach! Christian Slater, mostly because of his eyes. Slash because he hung out with Axl and because he's a hottie once you get past the hair. Sebastian Bach, well.. have you seen the guy? He's just hot. (Did you ever see the SNL with Skid Row? And the Heavy Metal Bedtime stories, with Adam Sandler as Axl Rose? That always cracks me up!)
T is for Tom Hanks! He was my first crush ever. It all started with Big. I loved him in that! And when he hosted SNL with his "Tales of Ribaldry" with Jan Hooks, oooh that aroused me. Obviously someone agreed with me because then he started winning Oscars and all that kinda stuff. He's cute! But I may have to kill him if he keeps starring in movies with Meg Ryan.
U is for U571! Who is not really a person, but a movie! With Jon Bon Jovi and Matthew McConaughey! Who are hot peoples!
V is for Vincent Vega!From Pulp Fiction. Yeah, I know, this list is starting to get out of hand.
W is for W. Axl Rose! Yeah, so who else could I put for W? Axl's intials are W.A.R and his name is an anagram for Oral Sex. That clever clever Axl! What are we gonna do with him?!
And I'm going to stop here, because I started this entry 2 hours ago and I don't care to think of someone for X,Y, and Z. If you're dorky enough to steal this survey thing from me, be aware that it takes forever and it zaps your brain power right out of your body. Thank you, and have a nice night.
"
10:24 a.m. - Monday, Dec. 09, 2002
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------