mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Female love, BB+Marriage and other musings, and a survey Hi! Just in case you care, I wrote a new story and it is posted here. It may sound a little familiar at times. I stole this from Sarah! 01. I hurt: when I regret things, which is pretty much everyday. 02. I love: My puppies and my BB. 03. I hate: Being fat (I weighed myself today and woah.. I wasn't prepared for that.), people who neglect their animals, mean people. 04. I cry: Alot. I just cried while watching the Sixth Sense. It's a sad movie! 05. I fear: the future 06. I hope: Things I've done in the past have been worth it. 07. I sadden: when I see movies, when I start feeling sorry for myself, when I feel alone 08. I feel alone: when I get drunk, when I neglect my friends for staying at home, AGAIN. 09. I kill: My grades with my studying habits 10. I talk: a lot more now than I used to. 11. I listen: to Guns N Roses. 12. I break: stuff. 13. I see: dead people. (Sorry! Like I said, I'm watching the Sixth Sense.) 14. I smell: The fragrant flavor of Dr. Pepper. Okay, I can't really smell it. But you know. 15. I taste: Dr. Pepper. 16. I work: I'm kinda out of the job now that the newspaper is over for the semester. 17. I remember: A lot of things. 18. I hold: my dreams 19. I hide: From really truly being happy. 20. I pray: a lot less than I should. A lot less than Crazy Friend. 21. I walk: to class and stuff. 22. I drive: everywhere. In my little Rav 4. 23. I read: diaries and books by Jennifer Crusie and men's magazines and and and 24. I burn: inside. And paper towels when I'm in the kitchen and they get a little close to the burner when I'm cooking fried eggs. 25. I breathe: heavily. I'm going on a diet tomorrow, I swear. 26. I play: Scrabble and the part of a loner 27. I miss: having a best friend. 28. I touch: BB's face, and hand, and other assorted things. But not this weekend. Because I have had a rather active social weekend that he hasn't wanted to be a part of. But, you know. 29. I learn: lots of journalism things. 30. I feel: Fat. And happy for the moment. 31. I know: I should be cleaning my room right now. 32. I said: "Wow, this episode of Friends is cool." 33. I dream: of doing sexual activities with females. That's what I dreamed about last night, anyway. 34. I have: two big bouquets of flowers 35. I want: To lose weight and do well on my presentation tomorrow. 36. I fall: in love. 37. I wait: for next weekend so I can see my BB. 38. I need: to graduate 39. I live: Alone. In a dirty dorm room that I was supposed to clean tonight but didn't. Surprise, surprise. Today's bridal shower was good times. I was nervous when I went because I didn't think I'd know anyone and I didn't think I should go. She invited everyone she worked with, so it wasn't like I was special or something. But everyone was really nice and eventually someone else from work came and it was pretty good times. Man, I have to announce something. Due mainly to dreams I had last night, and otherwise just due to my mentality, I really need to get some chick loving. There was some very attractive females all over the place today, and I was like.. ohhh yeah. Gimme some. It's been a while. Well, it's been since October but you know, I didn't talk about it when it happened and I'm not going to talk about it now. Umm.. I'll shut up now. I would really like to have some female love, that's all I'm saying. You know, today I was talking to a friend of mine and after I told her me and BB have been together for 4 1/2 years, she asked the requisite question of "So, are yall going to get married?" I've thought about this over the past couple of days. Sometimes, I used to think that we'd break up eventually and then I'd get to have my wild and crazy sex and alcohol phase and then I'd get over it and I'd be ready to settle down. I don't want that to happen anymore. If we were going to break up, it should have been when I tried to during my freshmen year in college. We were broken up for a month, but we still saw each other all the time and I realized it wasn't what I really wanted. And I don't want to break up with him. Sometimes I regret that I spent my last year in high school and all my college years with him, missing out on a lot of stuff. But if I broke up with him now, or when I get out of college, I would have wasted all 4 years that I missed out on things, you know? I haven't had sex in 4 1/2 years, people. I want to know that all this time I'm putting in means something, and if we get married, I will. This probably sounds very ignorant when I write it down here, but it makes sense in my head. I just don't want to think that I wasted 4 years of college, and I like to think that I didn't waste it. I love him, and while I have doubts now, I know it's the right thing. I love him, and I wouldn't feel right with anyone else. 11:46 p.m. - April 28, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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