mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you, Axl. Here's a fun thing to do: Have a dream that you're getting married to someone who just broke up with you. I mean, seriously, the fun never ends. Also a fun thing to do: not be able to sleep because you've read a couple of months worth of Sara's journal before you go to bed and you find that you're dreaming about her life in a weird stalker-like fashion. Oh dear. I'm in a crappy ass mood today. Like, seriously. I've had BB blocked for 3 days now and he probably hasn't even noitced. I miss him. I miss him SO FUCKING MUCH. It also sucks that if I spend 5 years with someone else without marrying him or anything, I'll be 28 years old and that will just suck. I'm getting older. I want to settle down and have kids soon, damnit! I thought I was going to be doing that with BB! Why did I have to be wrong about that? I mean.. fuck. Yesterday I was brought back to the first month or so of our relationship because a chick in my psychology thing was talking about the horrible song "Tyrone," by Erikah Badu I believe. This brought me back to high school when I was deeply involved with Matchmaker and everyone there was my best friends. It made me think of him because he was around then. He was around during my SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL! He was there. We were together. We had fun together. We couldn't fucking get enough of each other. And now I'm sitting here my senior year of college, thinking of those days in high school. And that's just not how it's supposed to be. But.. but. I also know that I thought this year would be special because Axl was the first to wish me a happy new year. And you know what? It has been a special year. It's been the first truly special year in a while. I will have graduated. I will have made one of the biggest decisions of my life to move to Austin, which is all kinds of exciting. I will have lost a bit of weight (although I've pretty much gained a bunch of it back due to my love for pizza and Dr. Pepper, and by the way, you betta recognize that which is Dr. Pepper.) and stuff. And the biggest thing is BB, obviously. While I'm obviously bitter and sad about the whole thing, it was probably for the best. I've always had deep down reservations about the whole thing. There were a few things that never seemed quite right about the whole thing. Things that would nag at me and I'd just brush them off and say they'll get better eventually. Maybe those things would have gotten better eventually, but maybe they wouldn't. So perhaps it's a good thing that I've lost him. Although it's really quite hard to think of it as a good thing right now. But my point is.. when I look at this year in the whole scheme of things, it was a good year. I made huge decisions that will affect me for the rest of my life, and that's liberating. That's good. That's refreshing. And I have to thank Axl for making it possible. Heh heh. I unblocked BB just now. I was aiming for a week of blockage, but no one ever accused me of having any willpower. I'll be back later with another introspective entry, because today I have my last official class ever. It's all very exciting. ***** What was MyMichele doing a year ago? "I've been a pervert ever since hitting puberty, though! I'd take my mom and dad's porno tapes that they had hidden in the closet and I'd watch them whenever they weren't home. I'd write dirty stories, even at the young age of 13. I was the first person in my grade to have the Judy Blume book "Forever." We all walked around the track as I read things outloud from it, like "And as I touched Ralph, he came all over me," or whatever. And I'd be like.. what the hell is coming? Did they go somewhere? I made my barbies do naughty things with each other. I had cyber sex with a 15 year old girl back when I was "Lizzie 11" on my little US Videotel. I told her I was 13. I just thought you should know that I'm a big, horny pervert." 8:54 a.m. - Thursday, Dec. 05, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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