mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am distracted! Woot. Earlier today I was mad bitter. I was angry. I was crying. I pretty much had a total breakdown. I did indeed cry myself to sleep last night, when I actually did sleep. And it was at my mom's house because I couldn't face having another sleepless night over here. Crazy times, I know. A couple of events came up in the past couple of days that made me depressed and therefore spurred this mood on. The biggest one was this morning.. editor guy and photographer girl (two people who worked with me on the newspaper last semester) are now engaged. After 10 MONTHS. That drives me crazy. I spend 5 years with someone and we weren't even near seriously talking about getting engaged. We talked about our lives together when we got older, but never taking steps towards that life. When I couldn't stand it any more today, I IMed BB and here's a little bit of our chat: Me: anyway, I just wanna know this. BB: You want to know what? Me: After I've been in Austin for a while and I've done human activities and I've gotten some HLA (Hot lesbian sex), is there ever a chance that something can happen with us again? BB: You know what I'm going to say to that.. BB: Of course, anything can happen.. Me: Yes, that is what you've been saying. BB: It has a pretty good chance of happening. Me: I just want to know if you stand by that. BB: I do stand by that.. Me: I'm not going to be in Austin the whole time sighing and thinking to myself, "This sucks, I wanna be with my Mattiebear." Me: I am actually going to go out and have fun and crap. Me: But I just like to think that when I finish that journey, maybe we could try again.. cuz I don't feel like this journey is over yet. Me: But maybe I'm just kidding myself, too. BB: Anything can happen, Elizabeth.. BB: Obviously you can't erase 5 years of history. BB: And familiarity. BB: And knowledge. BB: And friendship. Me: And coming all over the sheets.
BB: And amazing sex. :) (Note: obviously not sex, but you know.. foreplay and shit.) Me: Even though it seems like you're trying to sometimes. BB: Your opinion, not mine. Me: True. Me: I've always said my biggest fears are spiders and abandonment, and it just seems sometimes like you've abandoned me. BB: That's what you want to believe. So I'm feeling better. I'm not sure why I feel better, but I just got everything out of my system. I didn't come across as all that mentally stable, but mental stability is overrated. And Aras rocks. It's nice to have someone to talk to who's as bitter as you are. And she said I could have a pity party today as long as I get myself together tomorrow. So I went and got a bagel at McDonalds. True that. ***** Anyway. In another completely unrelated topic, Pop Culture has totally sucked me in. It had grabbed my nuts and pulled on them as hard as it can. I am serious, yo. I'm all about Kelly Osbourne, J-Lo and Ben, Winona's community service, Eminem's new song "Hallie's Song", everything. I am hooked. It's just sad, though. Because all of those things are targeted toward a specific demographic, prepackaged just to appeal to a certain demographic. I'm not supposed to like all these things! I'm supposed to be against establishment and crap, but I'm really not. I get sucked in just like millions of other people, I'm no different when it's all said and done. The corporate marketing machine has bent me over and spanked my ass. I also feel like some of these people are playing games with me. Like, Eminem. Do you ever get the feeling that his fame is just a big joke to him? Like he totally screwed America into thinking he's something completely different than he is? Well, it makes sense to me, damnit! And right now I'm even watching Extreme Makeovers. I really am a pop culture whore. Does that make me a bad person? If it's wrong, I don't know if I want to be right. This show is really sickingly fascinating. I hate myself for watching this show. It's scary. Yuck. ***** My mom and I are getting to packing and getting my shit out of here. I guess it is kinda sad, but the happyness way outshadows that. I'm getting out of this dorm! I've lived here for 2 1/2 years, I'm ready to go. I've thrown away so much shit, it's almost painful. I like to keep things around forever, but I guess you can't really do that sometimes. Oh my god.. this commercial with the dude dancing with the box on his privates is seriously disturbing to me. Joe Boxer? What the hell is up with that commercial? Geez louise. Anyway. The point is, I'm moving on. I'm getting out of here and we should all be happy about that. Booya. ***** I don't think I've failed any of my exams yet. That's good. ***** I've been so distracted during this entry. I started it at 4:49 and now it's 8:46. Since then, my mom came over and helped me move, I've had dinner, etc. etc. So now I don't even know what I wanted to say anymore. So I'll just shut up. How's that? ***** What was MyMichele doing a year ago? "You know, I don't really understand how four girls can go through one roll of toilet paper so fast. We must go through about four rolls each week! What's up with that? Goodness." 4:49 p.m. - Wednesday, Dec. 11, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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