mymichele's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A year and a half of celebrating dysfunction, telling my whole family to fuck off sure is fun, and I'm gonna go shopping! I think I need to stop cussing so much. I came to this conclusion when, on Thursday night, I got up in a room full of my family and loudly announced, "MY WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY IS FALLING APART! I CAN FUCKING CRY IF I WANT TO!" But, if you can possibly tell your whole family to go fuck themselves while they're all in the same room, I'd reccommend it. It's slighty freeing in a weird way. It's also funny to have my dad come marching out of his room to yell the ridiculous "ELIZABETH! GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Realizing that he just told his 23 year old daughter to go to her room at the farm, he marches right back into his room. Fun times at the farm, people. Fun times. But yesterday my brother and I went to my mom's house, which is just 100% less stressful. No drama here, just good times. My mommy actually let me take a nap. If I take a nap at my dad's farm, it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Like.. I'm breaking the law or something. Anyway. If I would have written last night, you would have gotten a bitter me. I would have told you how I've really learned a lot about people in the last couple of months, and what I've learned isn't exactly good. I would have said that at the end of the day, the only thing people care about is themselves. I would have talked about how dissapointed in BB I am at the moment, because when I tried to talk to him about my family drama, he didn't even try to listen. He said, "I'd love to hear about it but right now I'm going to take a walk." That.. that really made me sad more than anything. It really made me realize that he really doesn't feel like he has a responsibility to me anymore. It's a good realization, but sad nonetheless. But I don't want to talk about that now. Because I finally have my Christmas money and I'm gonna go shopping today, which means I'm a happy girl right about now. Shopping instantly makes me feel better, even if there is going to be total and complete chaos at the malls today. Hey! I'm easy to please. Woo woo. My brother's dog is here, and that makes me happy. Me and Dylan are gonna bond when I go to Austin, damnit! He's such a nice little puppy man. I was happy this weekend because we had 5 dogs at the farm. We had Niko, a Husky. We had Dylan, the golden retriever. We had my baby Charlie, a golden retriever/cocker spaniel mix. And we had Rudy and Lilly, two big giant farm dogs, Anatolian Shephards. They keep the farm safe for us. They rock. I dunno, I was kinda feeling like Charlie was my best friend this weekend. Like, we understand each other. He knows that I will always be his true mommy, even though my dad has kinda taken over that position since he takes care of him now. And the love that Charlie has for me is pure and like.. unconditional. He loves me even if I fuck up, and he doesn't make fun of me, and he licks my hand. I love my little boy so much, even if it does make me sound like a total weirdo. I love this layout. I truly love it. I love the picture and how Molly made it all spooky looking, and I like that I have my favorite song of all time up there. I really want this one to stick around for a while. It's so purty! HEHEHE! Also, I just found out by reading my entry from a year ago that today is my one year, 6 month anniversary. A year and a half at Diaryland, folks. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. So anyway. I'm happy today. Not just because I get to go shopping today, but because I'm beginning to understand that the past is behind me. I don't have to sit here and be all "woe is me" and cry over someone who obviously has given up hope for our relationship. I can go out and have fun and give the whole world the middle finger if I want to. But if I want to stop cussing, I probably shouldn't do that. Fuck. ***** What was MyMichele doing a year ago? "Anyway, I saw a homeless guy who had a blanket on like a jacket. He approached me and asked for some money. He said, "I have to get into the Salvation Army, it's so cold out here!" I gave him about 50 cents and walked back to my car. Then, feeling like a jackass, I chased him back down and reached into my jacked and gave him 20 dollars, and then raced away after he said "God Bless you!" I just felt dumb giving this nice cold guy 50 cents when I was just going to waste that 20 dollars on something useless in the long run, anyway. I feel like it was a good deed. And hey, I admit it, I wanted the karma points. What was that, like 2 points maybe? Give them to me, damnit!" "Before I start the proceedings tonight, I have to say that I really want to have wild, raunchy sex with Steve Nash, who plays for the wonderous Dallas Mavericks. I want to do it right after a game, when he's all sweaty and stuff. But that's just me." 9:27 a.m. - Saturday, Nov. 30, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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